There are a simple 30 days left to the biggest day of my life apart from having my children. And yup, I totally know that everyone says that, and it’s pretty much a cliche but there are no other words.
With all of what still needs to be done, this has literally changed my life. Five years ago I would not have imagined the 100+ people attending my special day. I would not have imagined truly finding my best friend (again another cliche, but very true…..it’s on our wedding invites…LOL) I would not have ever thought of starting my own business (which I will be launching in the next few weeks, and not just my crafts but something completely different). I would have never put myself out there at all due to being so insecure.
It’s nice to reflect. There is a moment on my favorite show…Biggest Loser (big surprise there…lol) where the coaches have the contestant look back at who they were. I for one have never done that. Until now.
I was always under the misconception that I was happy in my body. I know this is the persona that I gave off as well. Being a visible community employee, doing workshops and public speaking, I gave off this confident attitude. I was anything but. It’s difficult to say that my size played a role in that behavior, but it most certainly did. This was my thing. Some people it’s their nose, their eyes, their breast. Mine was the whole enchilada.
You hear so many times that “size doesn’t matter”. And true, it shouldn’t. It’s shouldn’t be about anyone’s “looks” (see insecurities above). But I choose to live in the real world (and maybe being slapped upside the head with a heart attack)……being large is UNHEALTHY!! This had nothing to do about looks but it had everything to do about living. Is it a guaranteed pass to longevity………No. But it sure helps. I now have the cholesterol of a new born. No high blood pressure, no more diabetes, no blood thinners. That is my reflection. It’s where I am now. That’s it.
So call it what you will, being overweight, fat, obese, curvy, big and beautiful………I choose to live and to do so, shedding the excess weight has taken me from an early grave to a fighting chance at longevity and to enjoy this wonderful man that has chosen to love me faults, temper, and excess skin!! The whole package.
In the end, I’m choosing to not reflect. It has been a journey, and certainly filled with wonderment and new found knowledge, but what lays ahead of me is what I want to remember from here on in. I want my daughters to live their best life. I want everything that is good in the world for them. I would love to erase the terrible habits that I taught them and hope that my new habits stay with them.
Going back in time is just not for me, but I will take with me the enlightening part of it and continue to make today my best life ever! How can I go wrong, I have an amazing family, and soon, I hope to be an amazing wife, mother, daughter, sister, and business woman. Asking for more would simply be selfish.
Health and Love!!